


what to leave for poison

by crookedspoon



Series: Weekend Feeling [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Beverages, Community: 1-million-words, Community: femslash100100, Community: ladiesbingo, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 03:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3194291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cocktail night was supposed to be more fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what to leave for poison

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt #17 _"[Daiquiri. Any flavor.](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/1043610.html?thread=10398106#t10398106)"_ at 1mw's _It's 5 o'Clock Somewhere_ Weekend Challenge, "Someone calls in a Favour" at genprompt_bingo, and #303 _"sweet"_ at femslash100.
> 
> Title from the poem "What to Eat, What to Drink, and What to Leave for Poison" by Camille T. Dungy.

The plastic bottle Ivy frowned at was the kind of poisonous lime green that contaminated reactor water in cartoons had. Harley would know: she _loved_ cartoons. They always got the funniest notions of what dangerous things looked like.

" _Mountain Dew_. Really?" was her equally venomous remark. Mom and dad were fighting again. "Why do you even pay for this?"

"Who said I did?" Selina asked with that playful lilt in her voice that never failed to cheer up Harley.

"Don't you have some _real_ dew in here? Fresh spring water would be fine, as well. Gotham's polluted air is clogging my pores."

"Unfortunately. I can't offer you any fresh water specially flown in from Fiji at the moment, Ivy. Give it another week to arrive."

"What's this?" Harley cut in before Ivy could make another acidic comment. "Where's the booze? I thought this was supposed to be a cocktail party."

"Don't worry, it's all there. Wouldn't want to cheat you out of your Getting Away From Joker Whole celebration, now would we?" Selina winked and slung her arm around Harley's shoulders. "So, can I get you anything, toots?"

Harley scrunched up her face. She didn't really want to be reminded of why she needed a drink. "What's on offer?"

"Check the pantry."

"I thought you wanted to get me something."

"If I don't know what it is, I can't get it. Right?" With her arm still hooked around Harley's neck, Selina studied her fingernails as if she had all the time in the world. Way to play hostess.

"Well, I could have told you what I wanted if you had told me what's there to mix."

"Damn, girl. Chill. I know your recent break-up with your on-and-off boyfriend has your head in shambles, but that's no reason to let it out on little old me, all right?" Selina threw up her hands in resignation and danced away. "Tell you what. I mix us all a nice cosmo and in the meantime, you go online and look up some nice cocktail recipes you like."

"I'll have mine virgin, please," Ivy said, running her hair through her red tresses. "Alcohol stunts my hair growth."

Harley and Selina shared a Look. _Really?_

"You got it, Red. One virgin cosmo coming right up."

"Can I have Red's shot of vodka, then?"

Selina shrugged. "I'm not gonna mop you off the floor if you get too wasted."

"Don't you worry, pretty kitty. I've got Red as my designated driver."

"I'll make sure she gets home safe."

"Whee!" Harley rewarded Ivy with an enthusiastic smooch to show her appreciation, then did as was suggested and snagged Selina's laptop to look for cocktail recipes online.

"How about a daiquiri?" she asked Selina, when she placed their bright pink drinks in front of them on the low coffee table.

"What kind?"

"What do you mean, what kind? There are different kinds?"

"Of course, silly. There's strawberry daiquiri, for example. Or banana daiquiri. Mango. Papaya. Well, you know: fruit. I've also heard of a basil daiquiri, though I never tried one."

"Basil? You mean like Clayface?" Harley's face wrinkled in disgust. "That sounds kinda nasty."

Selina snorted. "I don't think anyone'd wanna drink _that_."

"I wouldn't mind it so much myself," Ivy mused. The other girls looked at her as though she'd lost her marbles (again), and she corrected: "Actual basil, I mean. Not our friend Karlo."

"Yeah, sorry, can't help you with that. Basil wasn't on my grocery list. But you can grow some, right?"

"Any specific variety you'd like?"

"Erm. It's your drink. You grow whatever variety you prefer."

Ivy walked over to the window. "I'll need some soil."

"Grow me some strawberries too, would ya?" Harley called after her. She had a sweet tooth, and liked to indulge in it every chance she got. "Make them extra juicy, please."

"Just bring it into the kitchen," Selina said and went on ahead. For a moment, Harley was lost staring at the swaying motion of her hips. Damn it if that woman didn't have the grace of a contented cat. She turned back to searching funny gifs on the internet.

A few moments later Selina's blender whined, but Harley was too busy cooing over British bulldog puppies to notice. They were the cutest things in the world, next to her babies. She'd like to pet them and smooth out their wrinkles. Harley sighed. She missed her babies, locked up in Gotham Zoo as they were. She hadn't yet spotted the right opportunity to break them out again.

"There you go, love," Selina said, pulling her out of her memories and setting a glowing red cocktail on a coaster in front of her.

"What's this?" Harley asked, and poked the glass with her index finger, making it dance around on its stem.

Selina's eyebrows furrowed. "Your strawberry daiquiri..."

Harley's mouth drooped. "But I never said I wanted one."

"Are you kidding me?

"I wanted the strawberries in one piece."

"Well, tough luck, scatterbrain," Selina replied, and flicked Harley's forehead. "Maybe next time you could try telling me that _before_ I do something for you. But you know, perhaps if you ask nicely, Ivy will grow you another handful."

Gathering her legs on the armchair across from Harley, Ivy arched a questioning eyebrow. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't make promises over my head, Selina. I may be out of favors for now."

"Geez, it was just a suggestion. No need to act upon it. Why are you all so touchy today?"

"Narrow prison escapes tend to do that to you."

"If you want my advice: don't get caught in the first place."

Harley slumped in her seat and tuned them out. The argument could only escalate from here, and she didn't particularly feel like breaking it up with a random, cheerful comment. 

"This is a stupid party," Harley sulked into her daiquiri, and wondered if the three of them could ever have a celebration that actually felt like one.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://crookedspoonfic.tumblr.com/) for more Harley Quinn scribblings and other stuff.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] What To Leave For Poison](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3364094) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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